I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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