he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
