So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
