i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
