Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
