The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
