I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
