Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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