We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
