Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
