dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
