All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
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I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
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I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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