Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
