he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
