hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
