Kiss
Puke
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
