Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
