everyone is single if you try hard enough
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize