Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
