love makes seman taste better
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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