If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This toilet bowl is my home.
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