boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
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I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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