Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
