My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
