your room smells of hookers.
And success
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
