In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
