I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Im part way to drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
