Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize