when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That's how pantless uber rides happen
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
