my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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