once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
