Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this just has baby written all over it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
