So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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