She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
