wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
