It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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