the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
