I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
