I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize