We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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