what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
