i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
babies were throwing up all over the place
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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