guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There r osticjed everywhere
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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