It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
