I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
