If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just cut my nipple shaving
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
