I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
