so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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