Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
