Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
