the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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