I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
