It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
even my farts smell like vagina
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
