We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
