Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
