i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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