I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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