I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
