you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
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the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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