I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
