then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
