i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
