sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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