i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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