I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
