No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
bring money and cleavage
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
